


All These Things That I've Done

by sexualnovak



Series: Dean Smut/Fluff One Shots [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Broken Dean, Depressing, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Gentle Sex, Hurt/Comfort, Mark of Cain, Masturbation, Nightmares, PTSD, Rough Sex, Sexual Content, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 06:22:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4866350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sexualnovak/pseuds/sexualnovak
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean Winchester can't forget his mistakes. Instead, they come back and haunt him in his dreams.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All These Things That I've Done

**Author's Note:**

> Song By The Killers. Its a great song, listen to it. Hope you enjoy! Leave a kudos, maybe. Sometimes it helps me write faster ;))))

_While everyone's lost, the battle is won,_

_With all these things that I've done._

**—**

He still has nightmares about the things he did.

When the Mark of Cain was burned into his arm, he didn't regret much. While he was a demon, he felt great.

 

 

_Refreshed. New._

 

Once he was cured, the nightmares started.

They went on and on, and he would wake up screaming for you and Sam. Even while you were laying by his side he was still jittery. He thought about how he killed so many people — The thoughts were not receding.

Now, after the mark was removed, the dreams became worse. He would clutch you so tight — To the point where your breathing was coming out fast.

You would stay awake until he fell asleep. His libido decreased immensely. He couldn't eat. He only wanted you.

 

**—**

 

“Y/N!” Dean's distant voice filled your ears, making you instantly sprint down the hall towards the library. Struggling to button up your shirt, you stared at him with a concerned look when you ran in.

“What — What's the matter?” You quickly said, your wet hair dampening one of Dean's flannels. You were still buttoning it up all the way.

You then look at Sam, who was blushing after briefly seeing you in your bra.

“Jesus — Sorry, Sam. What is it? I thought something happened?” You quickly said, after you finished buttoning the old shirt.

“Sammy wanted to know if you wanted somethin’ for dinner. He's running out.” Dean didn't seem phased by it. His eyes were focused on the book in front of him.

“Oh — No. I'm okay, Sam. I'll find something here. Just bring something back for your brother.” You sigh, pulling a chair out from the table, then plopping down in it.

“Not hungry. Don't worry about it, Sam.” Dean sighed, again, not even looking up from the book.

You gave Sam a look, as if you were begging him to bring something back for his older brother, which he seemed to understand. He just nodded quietly at you.

“I’ll be back in an two or three hours. I'm gonna go a supply run, too. We're out of mostly everything.” A sigh escaped the younger Winchesters ’ lips, as he turned around a started up the stairs.

“‘Kay, See you later, Sam.” You smiled at him, but it was laced with sadness.

Dean was making you so worried. He wouldn't even pay attention to you. After dating him for years, you knew when something was bothering him.

This previous issue with the Mark of Cain would not stop haunting him. You knew it. You drug your chair closer to Dean's, looking at the book in front of him.

“What are you readin’?” You asked, then glanced at the man you cared about the most.

“Nothin’ too important. Wanted to see what else we had here. I was bored.” He shrugged his shoulders, keeping his forest green eyes fixated on the old book.

“You want me to make you somethin’? I think we have macaroni left..” You placed your small, right hand on Dean's broad shoulder. He seemed to flinch a tiny bit. Maybe it was your imagination..

“Said I _wasn't_ hungry,” The words came out more harsh than he intended them to. “ _Thanks, though_.”

“Yeah — No problem, Baby.” You rubbed your thumb in a circle, trying to soothe him in the slightest.

You knew it probably did nothing.

 

 

**—**

 

_God, why am I being such a dick?_

 

Dean thought, his eyes closing for a moment.

 

 _I want to have sex, but I don't at the same time. I want to see Y/N, but then she pisses me off. Sam and her_   _keep_ _treatin’ me like a baby. What the fuck is wrong with me?_

 

He knew you were hurting, just as he was. He put you through some deep shit while he was a demon.

Locked in the dungeon, he had stared at you with his inky black eyes, shouting as you held the syringe filled with blood;

 

 

“I never loved you! You really thought that I did, huh? Baby, you got a _good_ pussy, but sometimes I don't even think its worth it. You _bitch and moan_ — You never get off my back. I _loved_ fucking other girls. At least I could blow town and they wouldn't complain. I can't even go a minute without you buggin’ me. I don't love you, and I _never_ will.”

 

The words played through his head again and again each day.

He told you that he didn't mean it, which was the honest to god's truth. He knew you didn't believe him, which hurt him so bad.

Everything wouldn't stop buzzing through his head. His words and actions replayed constantly, even in his dreams. That's why he always woke up screaming.

Even memories of hell came back. He didn't know what was happening to him, or with the two of you.

 

**—**

 

You had gotten up and left Dean alone for a while. Clearly he seemed as if he didn't want to speak to you. So, you just went to bed.

Yes, it was only eight at night, but you knew you would be woken up by Dean when he came in. So, staring at the ceiling, you thought.

 

_Why the fuck doesn't he want to talk to me? I get it, he was a demon and he killed a whole bunch of people. Can't he see that hes hurting me and Sam? I love him so much, and I don't know what to do.._

 

You closed your eyes for a moment, then got a great idea. You had gone at least three months without sex at this point. Dean seemed like he didn't want to do anything, so you didn't make him.

After finger fucking yourself, pinching at your nipples, and rubbing your clit you came within five minutes.

Dean never came in.

It was fine, you got the release you needed. Sort of. You'd rather have Dean, but you wouldn't ask him to do anything he didn't want to do.

Finally, you drifted off to sleep, your arms wrapped around one of Dean's pillows.

 

**—**

 

You instantly woke up when you felt the right side of the bed sink a little bit under Dean's weight. You turned your head, looking at the clock and seeing it was twelve in the morning.

A sigh escaped your lips.

Dean laid back, one arm under his head, and the other going around your waist. You curled into him, wrapping your small arms around his larger frame.

“Sorry for wakin’ you.” He spoke quietly, no other sounds coming from the room but his voice.

“I don't mind,” You muttered tiredly into his bare chest, rubbing your hand on his smooth skin.

“Get some rest, baby.” You softly spoke, planting a wet kiss in the center of his chest. Dean obliged, falling asleep within five minutes.

 

**—**

 

 _Blood_.

Blood was all over him. Your blood.

The Mark was burning on his arm, screaming at him for more. But you were dead. He killed you.

There was so many stab wounds in your fragile little body..

He dropped the first blade, his knees on either side of your hips.

 

“No.. No..” He drooped his head down as he started to cry, his face coming closer to your body.

 

“ _Y/N! Y/N!!.._ ” He screamed and screamed, but you didn't come back to life. The Mark on his arm wanted more.. Suddenly, he was awake.

 

“Dean! Dean.. It's _okay_ , baby. I'm here.. Don't cry..” His head was somehow on your chest now, and tears were coming out of his eyes.

“You don't have the mark anymore.. You haven't done anything else wrong.. I'm here, and I won't leave you.” You softly ran your hand through his hair, your other hand on his back.

“Y/N — I'm sorry.. _I'm sorry.._ ” He mumbled, hugging your small body tightly.

“You’re okay.. Hey, you're fine.” You gently laughed, as if you were trying to reassure a small child who had been scared by a haunted house.

“When will it stop?” He whimpered, clutching you tight.

“I don't know, Baby. Soon, I think. I'm here, and I won't leave you. You're gonna get better, because _you're_ Dean Winchester. You've saved the world countless times, and you'll keep doing it. You've done more good than wrong, Dean. Know that..” You spoke kind words to him. You felt a hot tear drip onto your chest.

“Get some rest, okay?” You looked over at the clock to see the time. The red numbers said it was 3:24 AM.

 

**—**

 

You didn't sleep the rest of the night. You held Dean, softly rubbing your hands on his muscular back. He didn't have anymore nightmares for the rest of the night, and you knew it. He didn't start shaking randomly, nor did he start whimpering, or saying your name. He woke with a start around 7:44 AM, a soft sigh breaking from his lips. You looked at him, cracking your soft E/C open.

“Y/N? You awake?” His tone was groggy, but it made you smile.

“Yeah — I'm awake. Are you okay?” You pressed a kiss to the top of his head, your tired voice coming out quietly.

“Let me make love to you.” He cringed, and you knew it. A laugh came out of your lips.

“If you're feeling up to it, sure.” You smiled through the darkness at your boyfriend. “I just want to make you feel good again. Please..” He rolled atop you, starting to press wet kisses along your jawline.

“I want this.” You moaned softly at the feeling of his lips on your skin. You missed it so much. He started to unbutton the flannel that your were wearing, his lips kissing at all of the skin he was exposing.

Once the flannel was undone, he sat up on his knees, gently removing the garment from your skin. He tossed it carelessly over his shoulder, then leaned over you to flick on a light.

He groaned at the sight of your breasts, your nipples erect, wanting attention. He leaned down, wrapping his pink lips around the nub, sucking it and running his tongue over it. The action had you moaning his name, but he eventually switched to the left one, giving it the same attention. His hand started to work your underwear down your soft thighs, but once they were done far enough, he ran his finger along your folds.

You gasped, a groan falling from your lips. He easily slipped one finger into your slit, pushing it as deep as it could go.

“Fuck — I missed this.. You're so wet..” He muttered around your breast, then started to thrust his finger in and out. You removed his boxers slowly, pulling his head up, and making him kiss you. The kiss was slightly rough, but highly enjoyable. Once he removed his finger from you, he aligned himself with your tight center.

“This okay?” He asked, his eyebrows narrowing in a worried way.

“Perfect..” You said, placing your hands on his shoulders. He entered you slowly, his large cock stretching out your walls. The two of you moaned, enjoying the feeling once again.

Dean let you adjust, and waited for you to give him the okay so he could thrust. With a simple nod of your head, he slowly started to thrust into you. Rough, but slow.

The pace had you arching your back, and clawing at his thick shoulders. He was placing gentle kisses along your chest, while he thrust within your tight heat.

You urged him to flip the two of you around, so that he was laying flat on his back, and you were on top of him. He happily let you take control, resting his hands on your hips.

He helped you lift up so that he was barely inside you, then slam back down. Each time had the two of you moaning loudly, but eventually he took the lead. He kept lifting you and slamming you down, each time more roughly than the last. With his big hands, and strong arms, it was almost effortless.

“Dean — I'm gonna come,” You whined, your fingers curling into his skin.

“Cmon, Baby..”

Suddenly, your climax came over you quickly, spreading throughout your body. Dean came right after you, spilling his seed deep within you. You collapsed on top of him, closing your eyes, softly panting. Dean placed both of his big hands on your back, softly rubbing your skin.

 

“You're gonna pull through this, Dean..” You softly told him, then gave him a kiss.

 

“With your help, I will..”


End file.
